Jaguar XJS: Owner's ToolBox

Phosphoric Acid 85%

Absolute must-have. Every true Jaguar lover stores at least one 200lbs barrel covered with tablecloth, in the corner of the hallway, next to the children’s playroom, Perfect for valeting your shiny XJS in the places normally covered from direct sunlight. Eats rust, leaves metal intact. Works well. Works even better when mixed with wetting agent. Technically, it’s Coca-Cola, but slightly concentrated…Due to COVID-19 I've stockpiled some extra cans, however looks bad in my communal garden (let me know if you need a barrel or two) Hey, what PPE???

Dewalt 18v Impact Wrench

Since I was recessed and willing to waste my time playing with the T-bar and seized bolt, turning it both sides thousand of times - I never felt the need of having one of those. Good few years ago I have testes cordless impact wrench from SnapOn and it was bulky rubbish.  But the technology goes forward. I cannot believe how dumb I was. Dewalt on the photo is DCF894 and you can buy it for approx. £130.  That will make £200 if you have no battery and charger. It's so light that I was completely disappointed straight after unpacking. I was soo wrong... And the battery - it's been used on plenty of jobs now - still showing full battery. Absolute must-have for recessed people like me, believing that power of their muscles and classic tools or sockets are the way forward for every real man. Used on XJS's front drop links which were still genuine/unchanged - rust was flying around. Make sure you have safety goggles on. Liquid Wrench below makes promising alliance between those two.

Liquid Wrench

It is hard to imagine, but something better thank WD40 actually exists. It’s not “universal”, but made only to one purpose – seized bolts, fused with corrosion. It won’t lubricate, it’s not a degreaser, It’s a penetrant. Tested in extreme conditions – where WD40 couldn’t even fart. This is the XJS owner’s best friend (applicable to the owners willing to open Pandora’s box sometimes, not only look at it).

Cordless Hammer Drill

Absolutely essential. Especially if the boot, fenders, footwells and profiles of your XJS are filled up with concrete. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous, however think through the prism of art and emboss this abstract idea to become a reality. (idea received from me, for free – see “donate” button in the top corner). Long time ago I have bought Stanley trim knife, what a rubbish, I couldn’t even cut myself. Then I’ve made second mistake with buying “aviation snips” which were dozen times bulkier than my kitchen scissors, while both achieving same performance level. What a junk (and Mr Patriot - NO, it’s not a British company anymore, same as Moore&Wright and many others). Then, my cordless Makita died and only thing available straight away was… “Stanley Lithium 18V Hammer Drill” – severely discounted in Argos. I know. It looks like imitation of DeWalt. Now – SHOCKER - after 5 years of ongoing benchmark test – I’m telling you - DeWalt is trying to imitate Stanley! Just imagine – cordless drill that wire-brushed the whole underside of XJS entire drive system, cleaned every rust patch…. Twice. Stripped two sets of alloy wheels. Consumed hundreds of accessories, 10+ batteries, drilled all the rusty and seized bolts in my XJS and several others that I’ve stripped for fun/to learn. Speaking of batteries – it even accepts cheaper no-name ones (see the photo) after tiny “adjustment with hot knife” (when it spreads through the talkgroups and forums – remember who invented it!). Why I have mentioned hammer function on the beginning? It seems that the gears/bearings are stronger by design, nothing else. Drill with brushed motor, Stanley FMC626 18V if that helps.

Angle Grinder

Another essential tool, Preferably one cordless and one high-power.

There will be lots of goodies to discover, lots of dust to raise, lots of noise to make. 

This one is another Stanley, cordless, same 18V system. Much louder than cordless drill above. I am lucky – it is hardly used and equipped with DeWalt extreme diamond disc, currently helping my wife with chicken corpses in the kitchen. Not sure about reliability – proceed with caution. 

Trusted Workshop

Don’t take this one personally, but take it precisely as it is. We are living in Great Britain, a country where women have better mechanical understanding that males. Even so – you won’t find plenty of female workshop staff. Try to go anywhere and ask for dynamic oil change in your auto gearbox, or custom “not-as-defined-in-their-catalogue” engine oil or tyres. You will see the anxiety in their eyes and loss of confidence in the bull that they’ve just prepared for another customer… If you have trustworthy mechanic with equipment for heavy tasks – you need to assist him anyway, all day long. Adding the fact that most of them – regardless of gender – will die under your XJS while trying to lift it incorrectly, without any clue of subframe kinetic energy during vertical motion, without last will prepared in advance – it may be a definite reason to do necessary XJS repairs yourself (I simply like it). Speaking of…

Last Will

This £35 worth paper that can be obtained online - goes on Must-Have list for a reason. Not that I suggest that you can make mistake and die under 2 tone chassis, Not suggesting that the outcome of your skills will kill you on the road, no-no… If you have no last will or testament  and the case will go to the court – judge can decide that you loved your XJS sooo much - that he orders to transfer o 80% of the insurance pay-out to the XJS Club in Yorkshire or to Oryctolagus cuniculus’s Sanctuary.

Car Ramps

Looks good when new, annoy the neighbours while in use – essential if you’re planning to do anything under the 2-tonne chassis. These on the photo are rated 2tonne each, have additional bottle jack lifter to give you extra 12 inches of clearance if needed, won’t find under the bed I’m afraid. Buy only new ones and send the invoice to your life insurance provided. Otherwise enjoy the uncertainty. Quality times…

Bahco SL25L socket set.

I know what you’re going to feel now, I know what it’s like when something that become your religion – in the one moment turned out to be absolute fake. If you are British - stop reading now or you will feel a spike of anger within just few seconds from now….

Snap-On is absolutely not worth it’s money, Snap-On is a master of branding, a predator (see the ending conclusion). They are branding products with their mark and you are paying for the brand, the quality has nothing to do with it. Snap-On has extensive support of the automotive business and industrial areas - making their business customers comfortable with their product. You can only overpay, like an idiot buying new iPhone with cracked screen just because it’s a “prestige” among the lower grades of society.  But there is a light in the British tunnel. Halfords is taking their sockets from the same supplier, only price tag is different.If you want quality – choose Bahco. I have purchased this set for £30. I wasn’t expecting it to be half as good as it is. Add quarter inch T-bar (which also fits in the box) and you can do whatever you wish without any additional spanners. Bahco was a small Swedish brand with excellent quality tools – recently obtained by… Snap-On so expect changes.

Stainless Steel

Now that’s something! It allows assembly and disassembly without puffing and river of tears – so common among XJS restorers. Collection on the photo may be slightly bulky and pricey, however each stainless (or titanium) bolt, nut, washer, fastener inside – was having rusty twin brother in the car. Before it was chucked away to the “Genuine Parts” box in the traveller’s scrap van.

Loctite anti-seize copper stick

Some bolts and nuts simply cannot be replaced, some of those are having threads impossible to identify. That’s exactly where Loctite anti-seize stick shall be used. Actually, I’m applying it on everything, regardless of material, even my wife mistaken it with regular lipstick and since then she likes it anyway. 

Cobalt Drills

This would be enforced-preferred way of removing bolts from your shiny XJS treasure. Somehow, addition of cobalt in the drills is more compatible with British cars than addition of chromium-vanadium in the spanners. Tried everything. HSS is not doing it’s job, titanium coating gives good results in aluminium, tungsten carbide will be good if you have CNC-rigid hands… Cheap jobber cobalt drill - goes through the bolts like through the poop. Buy multiple drills by diameter. you won't need anyting bigger than 8mm... Hopefully.

Wheel chocks (HGV)

Good wheel chocks may increase your lifespan within XJS environment. Review of FMEA for the old-fashioned chocking methods – as per photo attached - seems to have extremely high occurrence rate and severity of the outcome. Choose big, wide and heavy. Solid only – no foldable deviations from Silverline allowed. 

Castrol Red Rubber Grease

I am certain that you heard about silicone grease which is a grandson of red rubber grease. Bad news - silicone grease is corrosive to metals, red rubber grease is not. Why red grease is not being used in automotive industry today? Too messy, inconsistent in application, expensive to manufacture, requires manual skills. Same reasons are contained by terms: “continual improvement” and “proven engineering design” which means that cars are built to last through the warranty period, not through the next 25 years without oil change. Bulletproof cars are taking the profit away. Probably you haven’t heard about Mercedes w124 with OM602 diesel engine invented in 80’s. This car is used as an example on the management orientation training how NOT to manufacture cars. Don’t worry, your Jaguar XJS won’t last 1.000.000 miles like Merc mentioned above. If you are lucky to own 5.3 – probably it won’t last next winter. Red grease will help. More is better, everywhere, seals, window quarters, bolts, screws, moving parts, rubber hoses, it seems red grease makes a perfect underseal as well (5 years long, unintentional benchmark in Scotland somehow is proving it). Red grease is made by 3rd party suppliers as it is considered obsolete globally.

Visbella Silicone Gasket Maker High Temperature

There is plenty of similar stuff on the market. After testing several of those including 3M products – I can proudly announce – this one is a winner. It’s £6 per tube on Amazon, it’s strong, fast curing, adhesion is immaculate. Give a try or use another brand – just make sure you have at least two tubes under your bed. This one is for high temperature applications. You can test it by smearing it over the foot of your wife’s iron, then setting it on highest temperature. Just don’t touch the ironing board…

Dinosaur

Apparently designed to release build-up of mental stress- so ubiquitous during Jaguar XJS restoration saga. Why dinosaur? Why not. If you prefer red dildo squeezing out white bubble – the choice is yours.

Telescopic LED Inspection Mirror

Especially recommended to the owners loving English breakfast and willing to see their pecker under big fat belly or – as the name suggests – inspect skid marks on your trousers. Secondarily – you can check all the inclusions and cavities in your XJS to see what’s happening in the places where your head won’t fit. LED function is essential unless you’ve developed 3rd hand after incident in Windscale. 

Bosch 12v Mini Angle Grinder

This is one jumped on my must-have list since I’ve tried it with Roloc disc adapter. It is much stronger than any air grinder I used. Most important it is absolutely silent. You can run it on idle in the church and nobody will notice. The disadvantage is – it always run at max speed of over 19,000rpm. Effortless paint stripping or weld bead grinding, most recommended with 6.0ah battery if you have Bosch 12v system already. If not, time to get one, while your pension allows...

Jaguar Internal Spring Compressor

This goes on the optional list since most of the “Jaguar Lovers” cannot afford It or have no space to store it. There are also documented incidents where high tensile, fully threaded 3/8UNF rods can be used as a substitute…

Must-have for every XJS owner planning to change anything in the front subframe, or slightly younger desperados with family, willing to rebuild wishbones at their free time within next 5 years. Model on the photo (204-111) is made in Hungary. It may be yours for £300 from SNG Barratt – delivery included! Alternatively, you can pay £30 to Salvation Army employee to get one for you, they’ve got plenty of Dispossessed After Death stuff from former Jaguar owners (well, that's how you're ending up if you love things, not people...).

Bilt Hamber Dynax S50

The only spray can on the market supplied with flexi straw - long enough to reach the cockpit through the rotten holes under your windscreen. Weird name, however stick well, repels water, extends time required to decompose your Jaguar XJS. Spray everything, but remember – every profile in XJS was designed to drain itself to the cabin. You’ll get use to the smell, just tell the passengers that it’s actually air freshener with old typewriter scent.

MIG Welder (low power)

I know what you think, but don’t worry. These days we are having plenty of online courses and exams! Non-destructive Tester Level III, Mechanical Engineer, Forensic Expert, General Practitioner medical doctor, MIG Welder….  Or just try to learn yourself. Most important – low power MIG, something which will weld on lowest possible welding voltage (don’t look at amps as those are not for the MIG mode) with 0.6 wire. Only IGBT/inverter welder - unless you were having heavy toys during your childhood. Kemppi Minarc EVO 200 synergic MIG is your most forgiving equilibrium, with the price reflecting 3 basic weld patches made by professional. 

Automotive Recycler-Crusher

The model on the photo should fit semi-detached property’s back-garden from 60’s (mid-size).There are several reasons to have one. First – you can vent out your frustration after unsuccessful attempt to take out rear inboard brake callipers, without dropping complete IRS cradle. Much better and safe-ish alternative to torching it. Second – you will get extremely popular across the social media and receive a phone call from Richard Hammond and sign a contract with Amazon for the next The Grand Tour season. Third – playing with XJS is expensive. You’re starting from taking out quarter glass, ending up with purchase of synergic pulse MIG welder. If you live not far from London – this may bring you plenty of tax-free income. Currently the M25 is already built and there are plenty of police patrols in Epping Forest. There is a high demand for “car crushing without looking into the boot” services. Just don’t throw any questions and make sure only you can operate it.

Sheet Metal Nibbler

Exactly like the one on the photo. It has vertical action or if you wish – perpendicular to the working sheet. Perfect for amputations of rusty edges or cutting out rot-through patches to leave perfectly smooth line for further welding. If you’re not planning to weld, amputation of rusty edges will make your plasterboard inserts last way longer. Vertical version is accurate and precise. 

Bahco 2681 Riveter

Now don’t give me your opinion about great British alternatives like Sealey or Stanley. These are nowhere close. Again, I have never heard of Bahco brand before until recent purchase year ago. Now – this is my only choice. This riveter comes with swivel head. Solid cast alloy construction – NOT STAMP SHEET METAL or other rubbish. Price tag of £20. You will need this – if willing to remove any windscreen trim or quarter glass elements. Works miracles with 3mm CLOSED blind copper rivets. Buy Bahco, buy it once.

Air Duster Spray

If you’re short on space – this is your best pick. If your planning to make a decent paintwork to impress your neighbour – then go for 10bar 50L air compressor. Can be used to inflate birthday party balloons that you can keep for New Year’s Eve to be used as mini-nukes from Hollywood movies as the gas is highly flammable. Or you can use it just to clean your keyboard. 

Degreaser Spray

You will need it. A lot of it. It may be pump sprayed or brush on but MUST be quick drying.  My pick is WD40 on the picture, £6 per can. Can be used on bare metal prior to painting, to remove paint spills and residues from glass and bodywork. My favourite use relates to underseal: it dissolves old cracked layers of underseal making it smearable and tacky again. WD40 Degreaser will also add bonding ability between old and fresh underseal layer. It will paralyse the smell sensors of the cats notoriously shitting in your garden - if spayed on the soil in short advance. Also good for degreasing as name suggest.

Fuel Leak Detector / Halogen detector

This should be really with Must-Have section, however most of the XJS owners love the petrol smell inside, especially that it covers stink of damp and mildew. Regardless of circumstances – this device with be your best-spent “£20 ever. It’s simple so you will need fiddle with potentiometer and perform examination WITHOUT wind. It will always get you in the right direction, it can check the condition of your fuel hoses, it can show you how leaky is your incorrectly-assembled fuel pump. Most important – it will sow you how fuel vapour is actually travelling through your car. You can also scare the shit out of your neighbours, just walk into their garden and tell that you have found sings of radioactive Caesium-137 next to the front door… If you have some savings - go for branded, more precise version.

SOG Multitool

It doesn’t have to be SOG. It may be any other reliable tool. However I feel truly obliged to follow SOG brand here and forever, same as their lifetime warranty. SOG Paratool on the photo went through everything, electric shock, acid, tensile tests, abuses, drops, throws. Being used as a scraper, gardening equipment, hammer. One day where I was still having few nails left to punch – piece of handle (spring bar) snapped. I was planning to shovel it into the skip, however since it was a reliable tool - I planned to look at the brand to get another one. Then I realised it’s a SOG and it cost slightly more than £10. Having previous knowledge on SOG lifetime warranty – I’ve managed to send the email with photos to request a spare part. The SOG’s consultant replied that those items are obsolete and no longer in production but he will try to find something. 10 days later I received FedEx parcel from US with spare handle inside (yes, that shiny one). Couple of hours after delivery I received an email from consultant that he apologies for visual mismatch, however this was the only version he was able to find. Still looks nice - after scraping-off adhesives, Hammerite and mud. 

Thread Gauge – comb style. 

As you probably noticed – Jaguar XJS is built with use of more than one type of threaded components. Actually, more thank one sounds incorrect. Your XJS got them all. UNC, UNF, BSP, BSF, NPT and of course – after 3.6L engine upgrade – also METRIC. All of those bolts and nuts are creating biggest challenge for the owner: seized, rusted away, snapped, drilled through, rounded, fused… If you want to replace those with stainless steel version – you will need to identify thread type. The best tool to do it is shadowgraph also known as “profile projector”. Unfortunately - it’s brilliant but bulky – hence comb type gauge recommendation…

XCP Rust Blocker

Tested it. Works fine, Spray everything, including chrome plating, bots, nuts. This will help to slow down decay of your beloved XJS, it won’t prevent it completely. You are also paying for natural scent of the old typewriter, which stays in your nose for a week if sniffed… Once applied - holds your ginger friend away for 3-4 months.

Telescopic Magnetic Pickup Tool

You may have tiny long hands like alien or salad fingers – if so – you don’t need this. You don’t need to spend £1,20 including delivery from eBay. Do your savings where possible. That includes wasted energy to read this website – better shut it down… Otherwise – buy those in bulk, as much as possible, dozen is an average. If you’re after swap to stainless steel bolts and nuts – buy flexible claw pickup tool as well.